WELCOME TO PARADISE!

SMA

MOKEFROM. EANNIE'S LAMP

by Jeanne Barney

DESERT PARADISE Hotel

772 Prescott Drive

L.A. (213) 463-2276

TENNIS

Palm Springs, Cal. 92262

Palm Springs (714) 325-0229

"Hottest Little Spot In the Desert" From $18.50-$35.00 Friday-Sunday & Holidays Monday-Thursday-50% OFF!

PEAK OF THE SEASON SPECIAL

10% OFF FOR SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

why you

$8, Half Hr.

$14. Hour

HOW

Arthur Chaite 874-2200

Private Court

RESIDENTS ONLY.

Expires MAY 15

Don't suffer social rejection

Call

due to premature baldness MR. CAL (213) 255-5052

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• Home shown by appointment

LOCAL OR OUT OF STATERS, Call us direct

All credit cards accepted.

CARL'S FLOWERS

7282 Sunset Blvd. Hollywood

213-874-6181

FTD

Dear Jeannie:

In reading the "Trader Dick's" ads (which interest me greatly), I am totally confused. Since penis size will naturally be a big factor in selecting those persons I contact, I am befuddled by all the terms used to describe size, i.e., "hung," "well-built," "endowed," "super-endowed," "heavily endowed," "built big," etc. Why can't the individuals simply give their measurements in inches and clear up the confusion? However, maybe you can enlighten me on what all these terms mean as to length of sexual organs.

Dear G.S.C.:

G.S.C.

Oklahoma City, OK

There is no rule of thumb, as it were, in coordinating terms with inches. "Endowed" doesn't mean five inches and "super-endowed" doesn't mean 25. Inasmuch as "penis size (is) naturally (???) a big factor" to you, I think you'd be successful in answering some of the ads "Nobody under eight (or whatever) inches need apply." You'll succeed in three ways: by establishing yourself as a size queen; by automatically shutting out those who may be super while not super-endowed; and by hurting the feelings of those who don't meet your qualifications. Congratulations. You've managed to win the Prick-of-the-Year Award!

Dear Jeannie:

My problem is unique but agonizing. I guess you would call me mixed straight and gay. I was married once and almost married two other times. But between these female relationships, when I was really down and out, I have always sought out men. The best I ever did was a few weeks with one man..

Three of the five guys I really liked in the last 10 years all said the same thing: "Don't be gay." For instance, on one of the few nights I ever stayed at the YMCA, I went in alone about midnight and here was a gay guy really in trouble. He was standing at the desk wearing only shorts and was. pretty drunk. Here's the story he told. He had picked up some guy and gone there. He didn't know a name or room number. He had gone out to the john and forgotten everything. I think he had even fallen asleep in the corridor at some point.

Then the desk clerk said, "The cops are coming," or some such thing. I turned to this stranger and said something stupid like, "Come on, John; how are you?" I'm not lying when I say the elevator doors closed just as I saw cops coming up the steps to the Y. It was close by seconds.

The point is not that he spent the night with me or what happened. It doesn't matter that I liked him or he, me. The point is that over breakfast he had one thing to say, which I'd heard before: "Don't go gay. It's a cruel world and an untrusting one. Stay straight if you can.'

It's been two years now, Jeannie, and I haven't touched a man or a woman. Sometimes I go into gay bars, but I do nothing. What

am I? What do I do? You can't really answer these questions, but one small idea would help. Gary

Dear Gary:

San Francisco, CA

What are you? Mixed-up as all hell, and with good justification! Taking it from the top. it would seem as though your female relationships are indicative of either bisexuality of far more likely, an attempt to "stay straight." What do you do? Try to realize that there are no guarantees in this world. Being gay does not guarantee misery any more than being non-gay guarantees happiness. The non-gay receives no passport through life granting joy and success. Indeed, he is very often miserable for the same reasons as many of his gay brothers: the inability to accept himself and his sexuality for what they are. The problem is compounded with gays because of society's attitudes, but "staying straight" if you are gay will make the problem worse, not better. Each of us must do the best we can with what we have and hope it's good enough. Dear Jeannie:

In a recent column I noticed a letter from a guy who believes he has certain rights when placing ads. There is another side, however, to this.

I've noticed ads from people who do not make clear what they want and then get hateful when they answer because you aren't what they want. Secondly, many of

Jeannie welcomes letters from readers who seek advice on specific problems. Please keep letters short and to the point, so that she may answer as many as possible in her column. Address them to: Jeannie, The ADVOCATE, Box 8444, La Crescenta, CA 91214

them never answer. I feel an answer to someone who does not I qualify for whatever they have in mind is only polite. Lately, I've written to guys wanting to,know more about what they're into: w/s, shooting the tube, etc. I don't know what these things mean, but want very much to know. Still, I get no answer, even from those who advertise "all letters answered."

It would seem that some gays are set on acting like straights, even though they've been mistreated for so long. You'd think they would want to stick together.

Dear Name:

Name Withheld St. Joseph, MO

In some cases, no answer at all is better than a hateful one. Resign yourself to the fact that not everyone is polite, and stop hitting your head against the ad section!

MISCELLANY: Traveler from Seattle to Las Vegas might try Le Cafe (4917 Paradise), Maxine's (Nellis and Charleston), or the Red Barn (1317 E. Tropicana) Charlie in Chicago, a good false mustache can be obtained from a costume supply house or wigmaker; check your Yellow Pages.

1975, Jeanne Chesley Barney

THE ADVOCATE

May 7, 1975